::the examined life::

"There are moments such as these when time stands still. All you do is hold your breath and hope it will wait for you. "

just a recent picture of the girls... can't believe isabella will be 4 next week!

a myspace survey on typepad

doing a bit of crossing over, just to put something out there and push the negativity down a bit. :)

Two Names You Go By

1. Lauren
2. mommy

Two Parts of Your Heritage

1. german
2. irish

Two Things That Scare You

1. something happening to my kids
2. the unknown (sometimes)

Two of Your Everyday Essentials

1. cell phone
2. food

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now

1. bra
2. gaucho pants

Two of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists (at the moment)

1. teitur
2. goo goo dolls

Two Things You Want in a Relationship (other than Real Love)

1. honesty
2. fun

Two Truths

1. I am freaking out about the next month
2. I am getting a tattoo for my birthday

Two Physical Things that Appeal to You About the Opposite Sex.

1. laugh
2. smile

Two of Your Favorite Hobbies

1. listening to and finding new music
2. taking photos

Two Things You Want Really Badly

1. go back to school
2. financial independance

Two Places You Want to go on Vacation

1. Amsterdam
2. Tuscany

Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die

1. travel around the world
2. see my children live happy lives

Two Ways That You are Stereotyped

1. snobby because i'm typically quiet when i first meet people
2. a "vegas girl"

Two Things You Are Thinking About Now

1. how the hell i am going to pack up my entire apartment before sat.
2. going home and packing

Two Stores You Shop At

1. Target
2. the mall

Two people you haven't talked to in a while

1. Jeff
2. Tiana

Two favorite web sites

1. myspace addict! holla!
2. does email count?

Two pets you had (have)

1. Fish
2. cat

Two Favorite Sports

1. not really
2. into sports

Two People who will fill this out

1. Shelly
2. Lindsay

Two things you did last night

1. packed
2. gave the girls a bath

Two shows you like to watch

1. E.R.
2. Grey's Anatomy

Two places you like to go "out" to

1. anywhere where you can smoke some hookah
2. dinner

sorry

the five letter word I feel like i am constantly saying. I feel like everytime I turn around I'm letting someone down. sorry for not blogging, sorry for not returning emails, sorry for not figuring out how to pull that 25th hour out of the 24 hour day. I'm only human. I'm trying to find balance. Trying so very hard. Maintaining that positive outlook has been hard. I have not given up hope yet. Not yet.

Aside from that, life has been good. I may be starting a new job. Don't want to jinx anything, but the pay is a lot better and the hours can't be beat coughcoughbankershourscoughcough.

So there it is. Sorry I haven't been posting much...

loving lately:

1. good wine I had the best wine last night with my dinner at Dan Marino's restaurant.

2. fabulous new music I haven't had as much time lately to search out good new music. But I have had some recommendations and I am loving them; the new Nelly Furtado CD... the new Five for Fighting song... The Fort Minor song feat. Holly Brook... Gnarles Barkley, just to name a few.

3. having fun I have been seeing a really wonderful man. He makes me smile. He makes me giddy. We have fun together.

4. overcast days for the past week it has been totally overcast and we have been getting intermitent drizzles. So loving the Seattle-esque atmosphere.

on a slightly sucky note... my camera is out of commision right now. Not sure exactly whats wrong with it... but I'm really heartbroken right now.

Isabella cannot catch a break. Her eyes are looking completely better now, but the amox. gave her the runs really bad. Like 30 bowel movements in one day. So we stopped the amox. and she is dong much better today.

Thats pretty much my life in a nutshell right now. :)

pink eye

its pink eye. she hates the medicine we have to put in her eye. my poor babes. and drama with the daycare. will explain more later.

if you pray

please keep isabella in your prayers. I am at work right now and just about 2 hours ago recieved a call from jason telling me that when he picked her up from daycare her eyes were so swollen she could barely see out of them. This is as much as I know, and right now I am stuck at work for another hour. I know everything will be ok, but I just hate that my little girl is in so much discomfort and I can't be there for her. Will update when I can. Thank you.

me and my girl

taken from my camera phone. love this little munchkin and missing her big time right now while I'm at work. Isn't she looking so grown up??

its going to rain

And its my fault. I got the car washed. Damn Murphy and his laws. That's life, right? I could actually use a bit of rain in my life. Funny how as soon as I find something that makes me absolutely ecstatic to be alive, three new things creep in to try their best to remind of life's sorrows. Always three... what is is with that magical number? That is neither here nor there, I suppose.

Things have been heavy this week but I have learned a few things... or re-learned I should say.

1. Life is so very precious. It can be taken away in the blink of an eye.
2. It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. (yes this is such an old cliche saying, but it has survived the test of time for a reason.)
3. I must live out my Personal Legend. I am obligated to. I must do what makes me happy. What makes me feel alive. Despite the naysaying of others.

I am currently re-reading The Alchemist. And in the forward of the book, the author Paolo Coelho writes:

Oscar Wilde said: " Each man kills the thing he loves." And it's true. The mere possibility of getting what we want fills the soul of the ordinary perso with guilt. We look around at all those who have failed to get what they want and feel that we do not deserve to get what we want either. We forget about all the obstacles we overcame, all the suffering we endured, all the things we had to give up in order to get this far. I have known a lot of people who, when their personal calling was within their grasp, went on to commit a series of stupid mistakes and never reached their goal- when it was only a step away.

This is the most dangerous of the obstacles because it has a kind of saintly aura about it: renouncing joy and conquest. But if you believe yourself worthy of the thing you fought so hard to get, then you become an instrument of God, you help the Soul of the World, and you understand why you are here.

So that is where I am at right now. I just need to remember to breathe.

the way i see it

on my starbucks cup the other day:

sometimes the best art isn't immediately obvious. you might not get it,
or even like it the first time you experience it. but, i you take a moment and
give it another try, it might reach you in a way you never thought possible. It's
a bold move to see again, read again, listen again.
- erin mckeown.

Another New Page

I posted this at sbb... but I think I'm going to start posting my layouts here more as well. Backstory on this layout...  This past March my cousin passed away from a drug overdose. This news was very hard for me to deal with. We were extremely close as kids. It still perplexes me how one can go from being so fresh and innocent and full of potential to relying on the aid of drugs just to function.  I miss him. A lot. This page really helped in my process of grieving. And with that, I leave you with the page.